Small Town Soup

by Karrie McAllister

10 things every good woman should know

In my spare time, all 4.3 seconds of it with three kids running around, I love to read. And the books I choose to read aren’t necessarily of one particular genre, but the books I choose to read all have one thing in common: a strong character.

I like to read about people who are “all that.” The kind that inspire me in my daily life to get up and do instead of sit down and read. Go figure.

Somehow, within the past few weeks I did the impossible and started and actually finished a biography about a real man’s man. A woodsman actually, and quite a character. He was mentally and physically strong, determined, handy, opinionated, and a million other things you’d have to read the book to know. He is the kind of character that sticks with you long after finishing the book.

But reading about this sturdy man has made me wonder, what criteria would make up a sturdy woman? If I was going to write a book with a strong woman for a character, what would she be like?

So it got me thinking. And although I’m sure there are more, here are 10 things I think my good, strong woman would know and be:

1. She would know how to roast a chicken. She would not be afraid to stick her hand inside that store bought bird and pull out that gross bag of innards, and know just how to salt it up and roast it perfectly. If the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, this woman would surely get there. Everyone loves a good roasted chicken, do they not?  (Vegetarians and weirdos exempt, of course.)

2. A good woman would have a family tradition that she would never let die. She would continue this tradition every year, despite the fact that it annoys everyone and punishes her in-laws on a yearly basis. Not only this, but this good woman knows how to pass this tradition on, somehow brainwashing her children into knowing that they too must carry on this family custom. Example: the tasteless Polish dinner I make my extended family eat every year. Barley and mushrooms…yummmm…

3. My strong character would also know the tricks of the trade. I believe a good woman knows things that the average person just passes by, never knowing there is a better way.  Like how to tie your kid’s shoe without it coming undone in a matter of minutes. Or how, when you open a can of condensed soup, if you open it from the bottom it comes out much easier. Or even how peeling a banana from the bottom like a monkey is practically effortless. Little things like these are enough to turn anyone’s world upside down.

4. She would know how to do something manly. Something that would make men look twice and think, “I’d better not mess with this chick.” I think I’d like my character to be a pool shark and be able to sink any ball in any corner with a little English on the ball. Or something like that. I, myself, am a terrible pool player. You can bet on that.

5. And while she may be a tough chick, a good woman would also know how to appreciate her femininity. I liken it to “taking off the work boots and finding painted toenails.” She would work hard when she needed to but also know how to be a lady. She would know that Ginger Rogers did everything backwards and in high heels, but also that it feels nice when a guy opens a door for her. And she would also know, if ever her strength was questioned, to challenge that man to do that trick where, bent over, a woman can pick up the chair and the man can’t. Sure, maybe it’s a center-of-gravity thing, but it’s also a little willpower and sheer “good woman” strength.

6. My good woman would be a good sliver remover. It never fails that the tiniest splinter of wood can wreak havoc on anybody. The good woman would have steady hands, pinpoint precision, and more than anything, the guts to just dig in and pull it out. It takes someone special to work past the cries of the child who ran barefoot on the deck (when he was told not to) and mine out the culprit, armed only with a pair of tweezers normally used for grooming eyebrows.

7. She would be good at math. And I’m not talking algebra or geometry, I’m talking real math. Useful math. The kind of math that a good woman uses after she’s gone on a no-doubt necessary shopping trip. A good, smart woman would know how to bargain shop and then present it to her husband in attractive ways, such as, “Boy, I hit a bunch of sales today! I saved a total of 63%!” A good woman would also know to quickly show him the one item she purchased for him as a safety distraction before he asks how much she spent.

8. My book’s character would be a card player, too, and not only know how to play a variety of card games, but she’d also be good at them. Euchre? No problem. And then she could switch right to Pinochle without having to think twice about the 10 being a high card. From Spades to Hearts to Cribbage to Solitaire. And above all, there’d be no beating her in Poker. Some may argue that playing Poker is a man’s game because an image comes to mind of a group of men with cigars hanging out of their mouths in a smoke-filled room. I would argue that if I saw a woman sipping tea and eating lemon squares bluffing on a full house, I’d think she was pretty awesome.

9. This good woman would of course be the coolest mom on the block and the envy of all of the other moms. She would write fun notes in her kids’ lunches every day, always have popsicles in the freezer, and hand make the world’s best Halloween costumes every year.  And somehow, at the end of the day, she would not look half as tired as I usually feel.

10. Finally, this good and strong incredible woman would have excellent ears. She would be able to pick up on the kids sneaking cookies in the pantry and yet amazingly enough be able to turn off and tune out the sound of her husband sawing wood all night long. But beyond that, she would use her ears to be an excellent listener. It doesn’t take a good woman to be a talker—we all do that quite well. But it takes someone special to lend an ear when a friend or loved one needs it.  Not only that, but a good woman also uses her ears to learn from other women, because a good woman knows that she’s surrounded by other good women, and that there is always something to learn from them. 

In the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the main character’s mother (an undeniably good woman) has some advice about marriage to her daughter before she weds. She says, “The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.” Whether this is true or not, I guarantee that the strong character I would create would do her best to support the head as well as the rest of the family because they mean so very much to her. In fact, I might say that the neck must be connected to the heart, because a good woman does what she does mainly out of love: love for herself, her family and her friends – why else would she roast chickens, dig out slivers and bake lemon squares for poker night?

Karrie McAllister, Webmaster, Regular Columnist and nearly a good woman, has dabbled in everything from coal mining to music. She and her family live in Northeast Ohio where conversations in the grocery store and pierogis are as common as Amish buggies. Her local column, Small Town Soup, appears in local newspapers and her writing has appeared on numerous Web sites. Karrie published her first book, Small Town Soup: Good for what ails you in 2007. Read more of Karrie's small town tales at her Web site, www.KarrieMcAllister.com.

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