Momfulness^TM

by Denise Roy

Mindful parenting – mindful writing

Several years ago, my publisher asked me to write a “10 Tips for Mindful Parenting” tip sheet that could be used for publicity purposes. I came across it today, and I realized that these tips help me not only in my life as a mom, but also in my life as a writer.

Here is my updated version of those tips, with an added application to writing (in parentheses after each parenting tip):
 
1.  Pay attention to little voices in the backseat. There is one thing that I have learned over the years, as the mother of five children: everything important, every bit of wisdom that exists in the human race, has been said by a child, and often in the car. Our children are our backseat teachers. (As a writer, I often joke that I simply follow my children around and take dictation. I have stopped at many a curbside to jot down phrases, ideas, and quotes that have ended up forming the basis for essays or stories. Be present enough in the moment to get out of your own busy-brain and listen to what is happening around you.)

2.  Seek contentment in moments—not at the mall. What we are longing for is not found in any product or package. It is found in the simple appreciation of quiet, clear, I’m-happy-to-be-alive type moments. Model such contentment for your children. (The daily, the ordinary, the simple. These form the backbone of great writing. Look around right now, describe in detail what you see, hear, feel, taste. You do not need to go outside of yourself to find the gold.)

3.  Eat dessert first sometimes. We get so caught up in the duties of parenthood that we forget to play. Relax your grip, move out of your ruts, and practice living with Beginner’s Mind – experiencing your life as if for the first time. (Our writing becomes alive when we move out of what we think we “should” say, or when we write out of a sense of duty. Start with the phrase, “I’m scared to write about…” or “I really want to write about…” and see what comes up.)

4.  Sit in Happy. “Happy” is the name my daughter gave to the chair where we sit and snuggle. Create a quiet place where you and your children can sit and be still and feel connected—to your deepest selves, to each other, and to all that is. (As you sit to write, drop into a place of deep connection and write from that place. Your words – almost magically – will bring your readers into that same state of connection.)

5.  Practice Hugging Meditation. Family members pass each other all the time without really connecting. You can change this. The next time you give your child or partner a hug, hold your embrace through three deep breaths. With each breath, you return home—to the present moment, to your deepest selves, and to one another. It is a wonderful practice. (Get up from your writing chair every so often and practice hugging meditation. I love this practice. As the commercial says, “Just Do It.” It will enhance anything you do afterwards!)

6.  Dance with your kids. Do hip-hop, rumba, waltz. Sing out loud. Tell each other stories. Light candles in the darkness. Give voice to your dreams. Imagine a world of celebration, and begin to create it in your home. (Rituals are a wonderful way to let the muse know that you’re ready to channel the words. Before I sit down to write, I often crank up the stereo and dance. Light a candle, make a writing altar, put on your writing shoes. Invite the creative to move through you.)

7.  Turn monotony into mindfulness. Most of our days are spent doing repetitive routines. While you’re carpooling and cleaning and cooking, occasionally remember to consciously breathe and to smile. Wherever you are, whatever you are doing, you have the capacity to enjoy the present moment. (A lot of the writing life is repetitive, or involves tasks that we would rather not do. We tell ourselves that this isn’t the “important” work, or we move out of the present by thinking of all the things we’d rather be doing. They are part of the path. Rather than resist these, head into them, and get interested in whatever is happening.)

8.  Go for a walk with your children. It’s been said that angels whisper in your ear when you go for a walk. Watch a toddler out in nature, and you know it’s true. Little ones are fully present, not thinking about the past or the future. Let them teach you how to look at flowers, insects, and stars, and you will then understand how to find happiness. (Many authors use walking as an indispensable part of their writing routine. It brings so many benefits to our creative process: the rhythm of our steps synchronizes brainwaves; we get renewed energy physically, mentally, and spiritually; and we often discover just what we need.)

9.  Recognize all children as your own. Do not close your eyes before suffering. Live your life in ways that will be good for all children, not just those who happen to be living in your home. We are all interconnected. Our children learn compassion and tolerance by watching us. (Our writing can change the world. As author SARK says, “Your creativity is an immense force that is inside your every cell. [It] is so needed by the world and the people in it…Your creative thinking can save lives and souls and feed starving artists. The children need your creativity…” No one else has your unique gift. Please write, for all of us.) 

10.  Remember that you are doing sacred work. You are engaged in the profound task of shaping the next generation’s hearts and bodies and souls. Ask for the wisdom and courage and strength to fulfill your task. (This one is true whether we are writing or mothering. We are doing sacred work.)

Denise Roy, author of the award-winning books Momfulness: Mothering with Mindfulness, Compassion, and Grace, and My Monastery Is a Minivan, is also a licensed marriage and family therapist, a popular speaker, and mother of five. She lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her family. Read more at www.DeniseRoy.com.

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