Mom Writer’s Literary Magazine

Let's Eat

by Loren Christie

 

“The Witching Hour” is said to be the hour after midnight, when supernatural beings roam the Earth and cause havoc. We have a new definition of the term in the Christie House. It is from 5 p.m. - 6 p.m. when Mommy is fighting little monsters, trying to feed them a balanced meal for dinner. These small creatures are far from ugly and scary, which is, in part, why they can be so powerful. They are the adorable Christie children: 6-year-old Big Brother, 4-year-old Princess M and 2-year-old Baby Bigfoot.

           

Today they are in full monster garb: Big Brother is dressed in the pirate costume mommy got at the Disney store marked down to 10 bucks from 50. Princess M is in her pink flashy Super Girl outfit with giant foam boots that pass her knees. Baby Bigfoot is wearing his green feety pajamas (which make a perfect monster outfit) and he is circling the dining room table, roaring with a box over his head. Meanwhile, mommy is about to drop a culinary bomb on the colorful group: chili and broccoli.

           

Tonight I’ve made Loren’s Mad-Good Chili and a side dish of steamed broccoli for dinner, always a hit with the adults, not the case with Christie children. The group sits down at the table.  

 

“What’s in that pot, Mama?” Big Brother asks suspiciously, poking at the cover with a plastic toy sword. I stall, playing “selective hearing.” Meanwhile, I’m preparing myself mentally for the battle. Supernanny Jo Frost’s voice is speaking in my head:

 

“You’re not making them a separate meal, Loren. Make them eat what you cook or they don’t eat.”

 

I read her book, Supernanny: How to Get the Best from Your Children, and now I can’t get her authoritative voice out of my brain. I decide to stay strong and listen to her. Taking on three sets of wide eyes who are anticipating bad news about tonight’s meal, I announce:

 

“Tonight is Mommy’s famous Mad-Good Chili, and a side dish of broccoli!”

 

“AHHHHHHH!” cries Big Brother.

 

“That’s Bee-scusting!” exclaims Princess M, as Baby Bigfoot falls off his chair and lies prostrate on the ground in peaceful protest. (No more History Channel for him.)

 

“Mommy, my brain just thought of an idea,” says Big Brother, future lawyer or Let’s Make a Deal game show host.

 

“We will all have 10 bites of chili if you give us cups of soda.”

 

All three eyes are fixed on me in anticipation. Kids don’t drink soda in the Christie house. I weigh my options, and decide to bargain since vegetables are involved.

 

“Deal, if you eat a piece of broccoli too,” I say. The monsters cheer until the second part of my sentence sinks in. Then their jubilation halts. Baby Bigfoot breaks the silence.

 

“SODA, NO WAY, JU JU!” he says.

 

“No, we DO want soda,” says Big Brother, covering the baby’s mouth, but we will not eat green vegetables AND chili!”

 

“Then no soda.” I say, carrying my empty plate and glass to the sink. Whispering ensues.

 

I eavesdrop from the kitchen. Princess M calls a meeting.

 

“Brothers, pull yourselves together! Baby, soda is not for you anyway, it is for big people who are at least 4 years old,” she says.

 

I return with a sippy cup of orange juice for the baby, and two green plastic cups partially filled with Coca-Cola.

 

They “suffer” through the meal with the most hysterical looks of fear at the approaching fork, chewing 10 extremely small bites of chili and broccoli with expressions of agony. One would think they were eating raw ostrich eggs. When the meal ordeal is over, I slide the drinks across the table like a bartender.

 

I’m loading the dishwasher as the little Tasmanian Devils resume their pre-dinner activity. Nanny Jo appears again in my thoughts.

 

“You shouldn’t bargain with the children, remember, you are in charge. You should have stuck to the no soda rule. Thank goodness the baby prefers orange juice, but if he asked for peach brandy, would you give it to him?” the voice says in her English accent.

 

“Quiet, Supernanny! ‘Just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.’ Besides, this is my reality show,” I grumble.

 

Loren Christie is Writer’s Resource Editor and columnist for Mamazina. In the spring she will be taking on the role of Illustrations Editor as well, as the magazine grows. Loren’s circus is housed on the South Shore of Long Island, NY. Visit her blog Dude, Where Am I? at http://lorenelizabethchristie.blogspot.com